Is it okay to cum in a woman’s mouth? Do women really like it? Should a man ask before doing so? Watch and listed as three sex experts Cathy Vartuli, Dan Powers and Elizabeth Wood talk about their thoughts on the manner.
Dan Powers (DP): Hi. One of the questions that I’ve gotten in the past is, “Is it OK to cum in a woman’s mouth, especially on one of the first couple dates or so?” I’m Dan Powers with Beyond the Bedroom, and this is Elizabeth Wood.
Elizabeth Wood (EW): I’m Elizabeth Wood.
DP: And this is Cathy Vartuli.
Cathy Vartuli (CV): From the Intimacy Dojo.
DP: So I thought, “Well, I’m here with these two women, I would love to ask them this question,” because I have my thoughts as well, but I’m going to let them talk first.
CV: I love the question. I like to be asked. So I’m big on, like, if someone can say, “I would like to do this,” but I want to be asked before someone does that, even if I dated them for a long time or we’ve had a lot of sex. I still, I love that being asked and getting to choose. That’s really hot for me.
DP: So the whole permission kind of thing.
CV: Like yeah, you’re not just assuming.
EW: Yes, not making that assumption that that’s something that you want, I think that’s great. And so are you asking, specifically, within the first couple of dates?
DP: Yeah, first couple of dates or I think there’s more on the first couple of dates because the way the questioner had asked it was, “I’m going on a date with this guy and he wants to be able to cum in my mouth and is that OK or is that disrespectful?”
EW: I think it’s a great– especially since he’s stated his desire and then yeah, we’re at choice.
CV: Yeah, I love that he asked.
EW: Yeah, we’re at choice as to whether or not that’s something that we want to do. Maybe this particular woman thinks that that might be a really intimate step for her and maybe she was embarrassed about wanting to say no until she got to know him better. In that case, obviously, state your no. But if somebody doesn’t ask, you know, we have the opportunity to take ourselves away.
CV: As long as you can tell.
CV: Sometimes there’s not as many warning signs.
EW: Yes, that’s right.
CV: And then you don’t have that choice.
DP: I don’t have that much experience with that so…
EW: We’ll talk about it.
CV: But sometimes you can’t tell and I’ve actually asked people, like, “Hey, if you’re going to cum, please warn me so I can choose what I want to do.”
EW: That’s so great. You’re getting a lot of language in here.
DP: But you don’t find it disrespectful…
CV: No, it’s so much about the attitude. If someone is doing it in a disrespectful manner or if I think it’s disrespectful, then it’s disrespectful. If it’s like, “Oh, this is really cool, we’re sharing this experience,” as long as you’ve had your safer sex elevator speech and–
DP: Very important.
CV: Yes and you’re feeling like everything’s safe to do that, I think you should, you know, do what– and our bodies change and our energy and what’s erotic changes. Like I shared, I like having people ask me first, but I also have this fun fantasy that I’ve had with a partner where we negotiated ahead but we were just sitting there watching TV and he unzipped his pants and pushed my head down and, you know, that was not– there was no verbal, but it was pre-negotiated and it was just kind of hot that there wasn’t that…
DP: That more passionate drive and…
CV: Like, we’re just going to do this, yeah, so I really think it’s about what mood are you in in that moment and you get to change your mind. So much of our society says you have to– once you started, you’re on that slippery slope. No, you get to say, “I think that’s great, let’s do that,” and then as he gets there, “You know, I changed my mind, you don’t get to now.” You get to have that choice.
EW: Yeah, I think that’s great. Great advice.
DP: So we’d love to hear your comments and what you think as well. Please leave them below and what else?
EW: Keep the questions coming.
CV: Yeah, let us know.