Do the numbers equate to Healthy Relationships
Getting married is often one of the most memorable events in a person’s life. Despite the divorce rates in the US, men and women, men and men, and women and women still make their way down the aisle with the hope of marital bliss.
In the United States the divorce rate for first time marriages remains high. The statistics do not improve for second and third marriages. The divorce rate is 50% for first time marriages, 67% for second and 74% for third marriages according to http://www.divorcerate.org/. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention claims that marriage rate in the US is at 6.8 per 1000 while the divorce rate is 3.6 per 1000. Some good news is that divorce rate has been declining in most recent years. Another tidbit of interest to me is that the median length of a marriage is 11 years.
Eleven years is a long time. Given that, what can a couple do to create and maintain a healthy relationship thereby decreasing the odds that their relationship ends in divorce?
Creating Lasting Happiness by Spicing up Your Marriage
There are many things couples can do to create lasting happiness and health in their relationship. Just check out the self-help section of any bookstore. Do it quickly while bookstores are still around. One area which I believe to be valuable is to spice up your marriage with new and varying experiences.
I know some people read that and immediately felt a tingle in their stomach, while others may have felt some dread. As human beings we need new experiences to keep things fresh and stimulating, not boring or dull. A simple change to the diet, even one food item at a time, allows the pallet to re-sensitize to something that may have become very bland after ingesting it again and again.
Even our golden retriever, Copper, knows this. After years of the same food being dished into her bowl, she gave up eating seeming to have lost interest. We were worried figuring this signaled a decline in her health. We made an appointment with her veterinarian fearing the worst. Just before the appointment, however, we ran out of her tried-n-true grub. While at Costco, I suggested we purchase a new brand that had come recommended for aging dogs. Sure enough, from the first sniff, she gobbled it up and continues to enjoy the tasty, new food she has in her bowl. Our fear of her aging process was simply her stand against food that had grown boring and stale to her taste buds.
We humans are no different. We need variety, anything that takes us out of the tried and true, tattered and blue doldrums of a day-to-day routine that never differs. The secret to Building Healthy Relationships is to apply this same principle to how we connect to each other. Try something new, something different to bring excitement and varied experience into what may have become a routine life.
What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like
Do couples in Developing Healthy Relationships walk around all gooey and gushy in love with each other all the time? Perhaps a few do, but that is not the norm. Healthy relationships are those where the couple is happy a large percentage at a time. When things get tough between them, they act as a team to solve conflict and support each other. These couples are good at communicating their needs and navigating the space between getting their needs met and satisfying the needs of their partner. These couples are kind to each other, they genuinely like each other and work on behalf of common goals as well as to support the goals of each individual.
Spice Up Your Marriage with these Simple Tips
Spicing up your marriage will mean different things to different people. It should. Know there are many approaches to spicing up a relationship. Let’s start with an easy one; do something, anything that breaks the routine. If you’ve lost the art of simply hugging your partner affectionately, nuzzling up and kissing him or her on the cheek and neck is a way to demonstrate and foster new connection. This simple hug or kiss stimulates the release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone that is available each time we affectionately touch. A simple hug or kiss can go a long way especially if it hasn’t been practiced in a while.
Other ways to spice up a relationship can include going on a trip. Taking time out for each other and changing the environment to a local location or exotic vacation offers something new. We experience newness whether we travel to different places across town or places across the globe. If travel isn’t in your budget, learn a new dance, a new sport; take up a new activity together. While I am not necessarily advocating jumping out of a plane and parachuting to the ground below, why not? That’s a sure fire way to get the adrenaline pumping. Each time we master a new skill, we’re widening our experiences and understanding of all that’s possible. When we do it together, we not only delight in the experience for ourselves, we share that delight with our partner.
For those with a fear of flying, perhaps you’ll chose to learn a new language together before venturing to an area in the world where that language is spoken. We have local opportunities to experience foreign cultures simply by visiting a nearby theater supporting this year’s foreign film festival. For those looking for different sexual experiences, some suggestions would be going to a strip club, watching an erotic movie, visiting a clothing optional-resort or taking a workshop on tantric sex.
When many of us read the words “how to spice up your marriage”, many of us think about porn. While watching porn together might certainly work to spice up your marriage, it is not the only option. There are a number of sex education events that couples can participate that are very safe, that don’t require nudity or even having sex. Participating in one of these educational classes or workshops may assist the couple in learning new skills around communication, intimacy and love. Sharing in such an experience can help rebuild a relationship where the connection has been lost. Any time a couple puts joint effort into working on their relationship, they increase their chances of having a long-lasting, healthy relationship.
Spice Up Your Marriage by Sharing Fantasies
It has been said that sharing a fantasy with your partner is one of the scariest things a person can do within a relationship. We worry whether our fantasies are normal, if our spouse will think we are weird, dirty, even worse, what if he/she doesn’t have the desires or fantasize the way I do? These fears are often cited when I talk to couples about communicating their desires and fantasies in relationship.
We need to be very careful when discussing this very personal part of our lives. We need to remember to listen to our spouse or partner with the understanding that desires and fantasies are just that…desires and fantasies. It is only upon mutual agreement that a fantasy be either acted upon or not. Mutual understanding of needs, wants and desires deepens the connection between partners in relationship. Perhaps together you could negotiate with your partner to fulfill one of your fantasies with fun, play and excitement. It can be very exciting to learn what turns your partner on. What is erotic to your partner? What part can you play in fulfilling on of his or her needs?
Remember how much fun it was to dress up when you were a kid? To take on a role of a character that you find strong, sexy, seductive, flirty, and playful? How much fun do we adults have dressing up at Halloween? There are those who dive deep in to costume at festivals and masquerade parties. You can bring this type of play and excitement in to your bedroom. Make plans to do this soon. It is hot and spicy for those that venture into this realm of play.
The question of how to spice up a relationship really isn’t a difficult one. Begin by communicating about what you would like to do together and take action. Begin today by setting aside some time to explore ideas together. Just the simple act of talking about it is sure to raise the heat.
Have a happy, spicy, and healthy relationship.
Author: Daka Dan